Episode One
Life is fleeting.
That’s what my father told me the night my mother passed away. I was 21 then and had no idea how to navigate the heartache her loss would bring. But my dad sat me down and said those words to me. I’ll admit, they meant little to me then. And I still didn’t understand them a decade later when he eventually passed, too. It was too simplistic a thing to say, and I was too simple-minded to understand the depth of what he was trying to convey. Of course, life is fleeting. The world, and the flow of time around it, seems infinite compared to how short our lives are.
It wasn’t until that day when Meadow was taken from me that I really understood what he meant. Life isn’t just fleeting for those that pass. It’s fleeting for those forced to remain behind. Our lives are diminished by their loss, our heartache greater, our shine duller. Whatever life is left to us is, inevitably, tarnished forever, destined to become a half-life. Losing Meadow was something I couldn’t accept. Something I refused to accept. And when life gives you the chance to find a way back to those you’ve lost, you take it.
Even if it costs you everything.
—
Pristine waters drummed against the shore like a slow, dying heartbeat. Waves crawled forward on the tides, whitecaps crushing against the sand, enveloping our feet in a cool kiss as we made our way down the beach.
“Two weeks in paradise,” Valerie breathed next to me, slipping her fingers through mine. “What could possibly be better?”
“Maybe if Mitch from third period was here,” Adaline muttered behind us. Laughter rolled across the shore toward us, great giggles of embarrassment laced with abject hope.
“Who’s this Mitch guy, Meadow?” I asked, pulling my wife to a stop and turning around. “Is he cute?”
Meadow’s cheeks flushed red, and she buried her face in her hands. “Dad! Oh my god, stop.”
“Adaline?” I pressed, fighting a grin. “Come on. Hannah? One of you girls spill the tea.”
“Mr. Mayes,” Adaline said, mouth open wide. “I am shooketh. Who told you it was okay for old people to use the word tea like that?”
“Oh, please,” Valerie said, rolling her eyes. “You think you girls invented that? Just wait, twenty years from now you’ll look back on this and you’ll find it so cringey.”
“Oh, and they know cringey too,” Adaline remarked with raised eyebrows.
“God, kill me now,” Meadow muttered under her breath.
“Mitch is pretty cute,” Adaline confided, wrapping her arms around Meadow and Hannah’s shoulders and ushering them towards me. “But not nearly as cute as Hunter.”
“Wait, who’s Hunter?” Valerie asked, falling in step with the girls as they passed.
“This can’t be happening,” Meadow said. “Tell me I’m dreaming.”
“I wish my parents were this cool,” Hannah laughed. “I’d love to talk about boys with them.”
Meadow shot her a dubious look, and Hannah’s nose crinkled in thought.
“No, you’re right, I wouldn’t,” she amended. “My dad would try to arrange a marriage and my mom would insist that we all live under the same roof. My life is hell.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Your parents love you and want the best for you,” I said, scaling the beach behind them. “There’s nothing bad about that.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not the one whose whole life has already been mapped out for you,” Hannah replied. “So I’m pretty sure you don’t get a say.”
“Seriously, who is this Hunter guy?” Valerie said.
“My next boyfriend,” Adaline said wistfully, her eyes taking on a faraway look.
“He is not,” Meadow laughed. “He’s dating that girl… what’s her name?”
“Sasha,” Hannah supplied.
“Right, Sasha. They seem pretty into each other. I don’t know why you think you’re going to end up together.”
“Meadow, Meadow, Meadow,” Adaline said, shaking her head. “If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that there’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it. And someday, Hunter is going to be my boyfriend.”
“Look out, Sasha,” Valerie muttered, making a face in my direction.
“Meadow, are you going to go for Mitch?” I asked, smirking as her face flushed once more.
“I don’t know,” she whispered, pointedly avoiding my gaze.
“You should go for it, Meadow,” Adaline insisted. “I think he likes you.”
Watching them walk a little faster and a little farther from Valerie and I felt poignant.
“It’s only a matter of time before they’re gone for good,” I said to her, reaching for her hand once more as we trailed the girls.
“I know,” Valerie agreed. “We just have to make the most of our time together.”
She nestled her head into the crook of my shoulder, wrapping my arm around her waist. The feel of her body against mine was comforting, particularly at that moment when my thoughts were morose and full of turmoil. I couldn’t shake the feeling that time was sprinting forward, rushing towards an end I couldn’t see, hurtling us toward a life I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Val squeezed my hand, and I smiled.
“You’ll always have me,” she said, and I could hear the smile on her lips.
“And you’ll always have me, too.”
The first few days we spent in Tulum were, in a word, sublime. Morning greeted us with soft white light that slipped over the sills of our windows and beneath the cracks of the gilded French doors. There was a strange serenity in watching it blossom and spread its touch over the horizon. It became addicting, to wake with the sunrise and sip coffee out on the balcony as the rest of the world slept. The roar of the ocean was a welcome companion to my ritual, the salty tang of air sweeping in over the beach to settle in the folds of my clothes and the crooks of my hair.
On the fourth day, Meadow came to sit with me. The last whispers of darkness were giving way to the sun, fingers of white stretching across the ocean, when I heard the door click softly behind me. Meadow appeared there in the doorway, timid and sluggish with sleep.
“Hi baby girl,” I said, patting the chair next to mine. “Want to come sit with your old dad?”
She shuffled to the chair and dropped down into it, slinging a leg over the side. Twisting an errant lock of coppery hair between her fingers, she stared out at the ocean.
“What are you doing up?” I asked, turning my eyes back out over the water.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she replied. “Adaline snores and apparently it’s illegal to shove a pillow over her face until she stops. Plus, Hannah kicks in her sleep.”
A low chuckle lodges in my throat, sounding more like an undignified snort than a laugh. “Probably better if you don’t commit murder on our vacation. Just a thought, no pressure.”
“Oh, no, I’m pretty sure I could make a case for self-defense. Just play a tape of her snoring and no jury would convict me.”
There’s a quiet sort of joy that fills the space between us. If it were anyone else, I might have minded the intrusion. But not Meadow. Not my sweet girl.
“You know, Meadow, I’m glad you and the girls agreed to come on this trip with your mom and me.”
She turned to look at me then, her eyes pensive as she studied my face. “Why’s that?”
My smile was sad and slow. “The older you get, the quicker time seems to move. You get stuck in the every day of things, and before you know it, ten years have gone by. I used to think you’d be a little girl forever, but now…”
Meadow reached across the space between us, wrapping her hand in mine. “I’m still your little girl.”
“You are. And you’re not. You’re already a junior. And soon you’re going to be going off to college and who knows where that will take you.” I sighed, trying to fight the sudden ache in my chest. “I want you to explore life to the fullest when you do go. But for right now, I’m just glad your mom and I get to share these moments with you while we still can.”
Meadow smiled, and much as I didn’t want to, I let the silence stretch between us. She could never understand just how much I loved her, and how desperately I would miss her when she was gone.
“I love you too, dad,” she said at last, pulling her hand away and rising from the chair. Making her way back toward her room, she paused inside the door.
“You know, for what it’s worth,” she said, smiling, “I’m probably not going to move out until I’m 25. At least.”
“Really?” I said with a mock groan. “25? Why so long?”
“Are you kidding me? Free room and board, plus my groceries are paid for and meals are made? Mom still does my laundry… where else am I going to get that treatment?”
“Ah, fair point.” Shooing her away with one hand, I turned back to the sparkling waters. “Now go on and wake the others up. Your mom has some sort of surprise for today.”
—
The heat of the sun prickled along my skin as we made our way up the dirt path. Tall grasses closed in on us from either side and with little more than a whisper of wind, the temperature quickly became oppressive. Rummaging in the bag slung over my shoulder, I pulled out a tumbler and took several long swallows of the cold water within. It soothed my crackling throat, dulling the ache that had formed over the course of the morning.
“How much farther till we get there?” Adaline asked, wiping sweat from her brow.
“Another few minutes,” our guide, Gael, replied. “Now, please remember that we cannot go outside the designated tour areas. The ruins are centuries old and are now, unfortunately, quite unstable.”
“So that means all we can do is look at them?” Adaline asked, mouth pursing into a thin line.
“And take pictures,” Val added, waggling her eyebrows.
“Mom, I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Meadow interjected, “but I really hope we’re doing something a little more fun and a lot less outdoors after this.”
“Yes and no,” Gael said. “We’ll still be outdoors, but if this heat bothers you, you’ll enjoy our next stop.”
“We’re going to visit a cenote,” Val elaborated. “It’s a little underground pond thing.”
“A bit of a simplistic explanation,” Gael said, “but accurate, nonetheless. You’ll have the chance to swim in the waters while we take you through a series of stalactites inside the cave.”
“I am dying to be there right now,” Adaline said, face contorting into a look of desperation.
Much as I loved Valerie, I had to agree with Adaline. Even the shade of the surrounding trees couldn’t do much to block the heat, and every muscle in my body begged for the relief of a cenote.
Minutes later, we emerged from the bowels of the forest, stepping out onto a well-manicured lawn. Great stone pathways marked our route around the ruins, rivers of grey snaking their way across the ground to guide our every step.
“Damn,” Adaline breathed, shading her face with her hand. “Those Mayans must have been fit. Look at all those stairs.”
Gael laughed, nodding. “I’m sure they were. Now, these ruins date all the way back to around 226 BC…”
I listened half-heartedly to the history, admiring the architecture. The ruins were a spectacular sight to behold. They towered above us as we passed through their shadows, their crumbling stone steps covered in moss and lichen. There was an archaic sort of beauty to it all, and the fact that the structures still stood after all these centuries spoke to the ingenuity and craftsmanship of the Mayas.
“Come,” Gael said, beckoning us onward. “Let’s get a bit closer.”
Our group spent the better part of the morning exploring the vast network of ruins around us. By the time noon hit, the sun had reached its peak in the sky. It glared down at us from a sea of blue, relentless and unforgiving. We ate lunch beneath the shade of towering palms, eager to board the bus for our next destination.
As the hulking bus roared to life beneath us and ambled out onto the pock-marked road, the girls chattered about the cenote.
“Gael,” Hannah raised her hand, brow furrowed in thought. “What can you tell us about cenotes?”
“An excellent question,” he beamed. “Cenotes are caves below the earth filled with water. Often, you will see wildlife like small schools of fish and bats. The cenotes were used as a means of delivering clean water to the Yucatan people hundreds of years ago, though they served other important purposes as well.”
“What sort of purposes?” Val asked, turning her attention from the window to our guide.
“Many historians believe that there was a spiritual purpose to the cenotes. It is said that the Mayans would bathe in the cenotes and perform rituals there and that these rituals would help bring them closer to the gods.”
“So, they drank from the same place they bathed?” Adaline murmured, face scrunching in disgust. “Gross.”
“We’re not far now,” Gael said, taking a quick glance out the window. “Another twenty minutes should do it.”
It was at that precise moment that the bus lurched to a halt.
The first thing I noticed was the smell. It was acrid and gritty, and the air was thick with it. It filled my mouth, the smokiness rolling around on my tongue, clogging my throat, and itching my lungs. Each breath burned, and I lifted the collar of my shirt to my face, hoping to block out the smoke.
Tears streamed from my stinging eyes, and I blinked hard and fast to clear them away as I peered out the window.
“What the hell was that?” Valerie asked, leaning close.
“Did we blow the engine?”
“I thought I heard a pop.”
“Is that fire?”
It was Hannah’s voice that caught my attention. Is that fire? Thick black clouds rolled toward us on windless skies, whispers of ash blowing along the road. There, some distance ahead of us, the forest was burning. Great flames rose to kiss the clouds, orange tongues flickering through swarms of black.
“It wasn’t us,” I choked out. But even so, we were far too close to whatever it was for comfort.
Through the haze, shouts arose, drifting toward us in sharp bursts.
“Dad?” Meadow said, reaching her arms out for me. I felt her fingers trace the sharp edges of my jaw, nails scraping against the wiry stubble. Slipping my fingers through hers, I squeezed as tight as I could.
“It’s okay,” I tried to reassure her. “It’s going to be okay.”
“What’s going on?”
It opened an ache in my chest to hear the panic in her voice.
A sudden scream pierced the air, followed by two deafening short cracks. Waves of sound echoed around us, and then the world was still.
For a moment, I could do nothing but sit and listen, air burning inside my lungs as I held my breath. Then the world erupted in chaos. More cracks of thunder split the sky, sharp and reverberating, punctuated by terrified screams, and a shadow appeared before the bus’s door. Frantic pounding shook the glass, the drumbeat of the desperate.
“Get down,” I ordered the girls, their wide eyes full of questions I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what was happening, or what would come of it. All I knew was I needed to keep them safe.
“Stay here,” I told Val, sliding past her to crouch in the aisle. Shimmying my way toward the front of the bus, I stopped as the door hinges groaned and gave way. Pounding feet raced up the steps and onto the plateau.
“Please,” a woman’s voice croaked. “Please, we need help.”
She might have been beautiful, once. There was a softness about her face that made her seem almost childlike, despite her obvious age. Once blonde hair hung to her shoulders, bits of curl poking out from behind her ears. I thought that maybe, in another life, I might have enjoyed looking at her.
If not for all the blood.
(Read Episode 2 by clicking the Page 2 Link Below)